Garoo

There’s another feeling, linked to celibacy, that I had forgotten. The link is less direct, but still real. It happens when I’ve spent the whole day online in chatrooms (and on, uh, well, other derivatives that decency and, uh, more importantly, self-esteem, prevent me from mentioning again—oops, looks like that link won’t give you any results, since I don’t expect to ever translate posts that old; too bad). That is, when I’ve done absolutely nothing of the whole day, and there’s no hint that tomorrow will be any better. And I hate going to bed with that thought. Oh, well, I know I’ll finally fall asleep, I can’t help it. But I’ve been sleepy for two hours, and resisted. How I don’t like that. How I had forgotten that. At least, even when I spent the day home, I knew I was gonna go out the next day, or the day after. Now, nothing’s sure. My monthly subway pass (uh, there has to be a better way to name it?) has already been used enough in the past two weeks that I won’t feel guilty if I don’t go out. So does it mean that I’ll just stay home until February (but which year then?) or, on the contrary, that I’ll be free of the pressure and will go out everyday? (In any case, everynight would be more like it.)

At least, there’s already an improvement over the previous months: right now, I’m feeling like meeting some people, having drinks with strangers, and doing all those things you do outside of your home [when you’re a single fag]. But I have no idea how long the mood will last.

By the way, shouldn’t I quit putting my site’s URL in my chatroom portrait? I’m really wondering. On the one hand, I’m not sure it makes me look every attractive. Nah, I’m not saying this as a blogger’s inferiority complex: it’s just that most of the people I meet online find the whole blog deal more stupid and ridiculous than anything else. But, on the other hand, that makes a selection. A good selection, because I can’t imagine marrying someone who wouldn’t understand my blog. (And that’s only one of the many, many requirements. You have no idea. No, trust me, even if you think you have an idea, you’re far from the truth.)

But then, it’s not all about being married. Hey, I’m young and single. I’ve got things to do!