Garoo

1. In the middle of the day, how do you check that your breath is acceptable?

Just like everyone, I breathe into the palm of my hand. Which isn’t of much use: mouth and nose are connected so that you just get used to the smell and can’t notice it anymore. Anyway, these days, I always have sugar-free mints in my pockets. And then, I never have a bad breath. No. Never ever. My teeth problems are pretty much under control, I don’t think my liver is in trouble, so all that’s left is what I eat. And I wouldn’t eat something that stinks.

2. Have you ever been tempted to pay for a porn site visit?

I even paid once (it was cheap: a 1.5 € phone call granted access to the site). Most of the people who answer this questionnaire will say, or have said, that thanks to Kazaa you don’t need porn sites anymore. But it happens that I like pictures better than movies (because you can let your, uh, mind wander off on any given picture, instead of having to follow the rhythm imposed by un uninspired so-called director), and nothing’s more convenient than a webpage for viewing pictures.

You’ll tell me there are free sites with free pictures, and I’ll answer that’s the reason why I haven’t got a BadPuppy subscription. I think porn sites have the same business model as software companies, in relation to piracy: when you’re an adult, when you have an income, and you can afford to, it’s just simpler, faster and more efficient to pay a subscription to a good site rather than having to hunt all over the web for good, original pictures. So, when I’m rich, I’ll definitely pay.

3. How much time do you stay under your shower?

Between fifteen and forty-five minutes, I’d say, depending on whether I’m dirty, and whether I’m late. Ok, forty-five minutes might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but it’s pretty close.

There’s nothing I like more than water. Not even sex, not even chocolate, not even scarification: just plain nothing. Since I can’t spend my nights sitting in the sand watching the ocean surf, I might as well take advantage of my shower time to meditate under the falling water.

However, sex under a shower is nice, too. (Haven’t had the opportunity in a long time, by the way. Any offers?) And sex under the shower while eating chocolate should be… well, disgusting. I don’t like to mix sex and food, they’re mutually exclusive. Which makes sense, considering food is actually a substitute for sex.

(For those who didn’t figure it out, and can’t be blamed because they don’t know me enough yet: I was kidding, about scarification. I obviously do enjoy it much more than water.)

(For those who didn’t figure it out, and this time they can be blamed and ridiculed: I was kidding again.)

4. Are you irresistibly attracted by the need to play with the hot wax of a candle?

I’m more attracted to the flame than the wax. That said, there was a time when I used to take my mother’s pressure cooker, fill it with water, light up candles, burn paper in it—and I even once melted candles in a pan to pour the wax into the water. So I do have a thing with wax. But I still prefer to play with flames: when I’m in a bar, and not playing with my straw, I keep running my hand over the candle, warming my palms, etc. And, at the time we had a country house (a farm, actually), I could spend hours in front of the fireplace, turning logs over and over, reviving the flames, burning twigs. A nice little pyromaniac I am. But isn’t it somehow natural to be fascinated by fire?

5. What is the song that most often flashes back to you from your childhood?

Well, right now, I can’t find any. And then, songs don’t flash back from my childhood: they quietly stay where they are. My internal jukebox’s slots are all occupied by recent songs, and there is no place to be wasted for oldies.

6. Are you one of those who, though not believing in astrology, can’t help reading their horoscope in the first TV magazine they happen to read?

I don’t read my horoscope in Télé 7 Jours anymore since the resident astrologist told me to play the lottery, and I didn’t win anything.

So I’m actually one of those who, though believing in astrology, don’t read their horoscope. Too general. I’ll be willing to believe the day someone makes a personalized horoscope for me—except that I don’t actually want to start believing in horoscopes, because it would become too constraining. I’m happy with judging people from their signs: at least that is helpful.

7. How often do you check your website’s logs?

These days, every two hours, because I wanna see if the English version catches on (and there’s no reason it would, considering I haven’t done much to publicize it yet). But, on average, it’s more like once or twice a month, just to see how my readership evolves.

By the way, there’s been a real explosion in the last few days. I don’t know where it comes from, but I’m definitely happy with it. Just keep it coming!

Note to self: do not blog right after a rowing session. (A short session, I don’t mean to brag.) There was so little blood left in my brain when I wrote this, I’ve had to correct an incredible number of stupid mistakes when I proof-read it.